SIR KUSSO PHILLIP & MAYRON CHOPSUEY
2013 | Makeout Creek Five | Nonfiction
EDITORS’ NOTE. The following correspondence has not been edited for content, nor have errors of spelling or punctuation been corrected. The emails between Sir Kusso Phillip and Mayron Chopsuey appear here as they did in the original exchange.
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From: “Sir. Phillip K” (sir.kussophillip@hotmail.com)
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 7:46 PM
Subject: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Dear Friend,
Greeting’s to you and your entire family. I know you would be surprised to see this massage; however I wish to introduce you to a transaction which would be beneficial to both of us and which has to be kept confidential for the purpose thereof. My name is Sir Kusso Phillip (Esq), a lawyer based in Cote d’Ivoire.
I wish to seek for your consent to present you as next of kin to my late client since you are from the same country. This man is an Astute Business man and a contractor with ECOWAS country. He made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit, valued at $9.2M (Nine Million Two Hundred Thousand United State Dollars) for Thirty Six calendar months in a bank here in Cote d’Ivoire. Upon Maturity, the bank instructed me to send a routine notification to his forwarding address but I got no reply. We finally we discovered he was assassinated with his entire family during civil war here in Cote d‘Ivoire because he was financing another Presidential candidate.
As a result of the Civil war in Cote d’Ivoire the bank approved all huge payments to be carried out from their head office in neighboring country Ghana.
With your assistance and my professional guide we would have the money transferred to your account as the next of Kin and Beneficiary to the fund. Meanwhile, I have agreed to give you 40% upon using your account to receive the fund. I have with me all necessary documents that will back up the claim in your favor.
I look forward to your positive response and would like you to contact me immediately for further discussion, It will be very important you send along your telephone number so I can call to give you further information.
I will give you more details when I have your confirmation to this letter.
Please Send Your Response To My Private E-mail { sir.kusso.phillip@hotmail.com }
Best Regards.
Sir Kusso Phillip.
Email: sir.kusso.phillip@hotmail.com
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From: “Chop Suey Tuey” (info@chopsueybooks.com)
To: sir.kusso.phillip@hotmail.com
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 10:18 AM
Subject: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Hello Sir Kusso,
Yes, I would be happy to help. But I must insist that I will receive 69% of the amount transferred to my account. Otherwise, I will be unable to assist you.
Good day, Sir,
Mayron
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From: Kusso Phillip
To: info@chopsueybooks.com
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 11:54 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Dear Mr. Suey,
I thank you for your response. I read your message with great contempt and I am pleading with you to assist me on this transaction and will be offering you 40% as proposed. I need you to consider this offer as it it a huge sum from the amount to be transacted.
Please I need to speak with you on phone. I need your assurance and promise of trust. Please let me have your telephone number. Or you can Please call me on this telephone number: +233540876674.
I thank you and wait for your response.
Sir. Phillip Kusso
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From: Chop Suey Tuey (info@chopsueybooks.com)
To: Kusso Phillip (phillip.kusso@yahoo.com)
Sent: Friday, January 27, 2012 1:26 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Dear Sire,
I see your contempt and will match it with one word of indignation: humbug! As you have stated, I am the next of Kin, ergo these funds are to be given to me directly. I do not appreciate being tricked by a lawyer of your stature into giving more than 31%, and now that you have pushed the matter, I will request that exactly 73.26% of my inheritance be left in my account.
I do not mean to be rude, but my blood sugar is very low right now, and I need to eat lunch. You also cannot call my phone number as it is disconnected because I only would pay them 69% of the bill, which, considering that my brother works for them, is fair.
Please respond post haste!
Mayron
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From: Kusso Phillip
To: Chop Suey Tuey
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 3:12 PM
Subject: Re: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Dear Mr. Suey,
Thanks for your message which I read but still can not understand vividly your argument. The only thing I do not need right now is tension, please Mr. Suey if you can not help me, I can understand, please I crave your indulgence on the subject matter and the proposal which is irrevocable. I am offering you 40% of the total amount that will be transacted. And also I cannot forge ahead with you without talking to you on phone for goodness sake, this is a transaction worth millions of dollars which I cannot only email Instructions but also to enlighten you more on phone.
Please if you cannot continue as I have proposed, feel free to decline because I cannot add more or deduct from what I have proposed as regards the percentage sharing which is 40%. I hope you understand me better, it is very plain now there is no trick anywhere. There is no room for trick and dishonesty. I work will Trust
Have a good Afternoon!
Sir. Phillip
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From: Chop Suey Tuey (info@chopsueybooks.com)
To: Kusso Phillip (phillip.kusso@yahoo.com)
Sent: Friday, January 27, 2012 4:46 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Dear Sir Phillip K.
You are very clever, my friend, and your golden words have led me to see that I indeed acted with haste and without a vivid picture of the situation at hand. I misread the first email, and assumed that you were only going to leave me $40, and I knew that I needed at least $69. Since we are talking Millions of Dollars now, I am ready to fully put myself in your trusted hands. 40% of millions it is!
However, I will ask that you send me $69 now, not only as an act of good faith, but because I will need to pay the remainder of my phone bill so that we can discuss this financial transaction in person. Of course, this $69 can be deducted from my millions of dollars when we complete our transaction; I do not wish to steal from you at all!
Should I give you the account number for the telephone company, or would you prefer to just send cash to me?
Yours in Trust and Financial Millions,
Mayron
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From: Kusso Phillip
To: Chop Suey Tuey
Sent: Friday, January 27, 2012 5:33 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Mr. Suey
Thanks for your inspiring message. It go me thinking.... How can I trust you with a $1000usd when you cannot pay your bills of $65usd. I think I am dealing with the wrong person and please this is not a child’s play. If you cannot afford to pay your phone bills then you must be in a financial crisis. And with this I can not trust these funds in your care, its as simple as that. Please, I appreciate your time and effort towards helping me and I know now you cannot be of any help to me.
Sir. Phillip
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From: Chop Suey Tuey
To: Kusso Phillip
Sent: Friday, January 27, 2012 9:18 AM
Subject: Re: Re: Please Reply Immediately
Dearest Sir,
You have passed my test!!!
I told you the previous stories as a challenge to see if you were able to handle the stresses of financial insecurity. Had you offered me the money, I would have known immediately that you were neither financially smart, nor were you one that I would trust with my millions of dollars. I didn’t become an American Tycoon with over 986,000,000 in my bank account by trusting people who were foolish with money! No, in fact, it was by testing my colleagues and seeing who had the business acumen to not accept “quick fixes” that I rose to the top. Now I see that we can make money together, and that my riches will become even greater!
Please feel free to call me at the following number: 804-422-8066. We will surely have no problems working together from this moment onwards!
Good job!!!
Mayron
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From: Kusso Phillip
To: Chop Suey Tuey
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 7:32 PM
Subject: I wait my dear
Mr. Suey,
Considering the amount involved in this transaction, I did not desire to expose it to any third party. I only wish and pray that you will be capable to receive the money in your account and also assist me to invest my share.
With due respect, it will not be necessary to tell me your worth. All I need is your trust and honesty. All I need to meet with you after the bank have transferred the money to your account.
Now, I called the number you gave to me - +1-804-422-8066 and there was no response. Please can you call me on my private telephone number - +233544018444.
As my security, apart from your telephone number, please I will like to have your ID. I will not hesitate to send you mine if you wish.
I thank you and I wait for your response.
Sir Phillip
Telephone number - +233544018444
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From: Chop Suey Tuey
To: Kusso Phillip
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 10:44 AM
Subject: Re: I wait my dear
Mr. Kusso,
I am sorry to hear that you tried to call me and the there was no answer. My butler was most likely in the bathroom relieving himself at the time.
In any case, there have been new developments on my end. It seems that I have won a sizeable prize from the Nigerian National Lottery. This is quite lucky, because I didn’t even remember that I had purchased a lottery ticket, but the honest people from their lottery system tracked me down and are in the process of transferring the funds to me now. According to them, I need to wait until this transaction clears before I can proceed with our dealings. I hope that you can be patient for this matter to settle before we continue. If not, please call me immediately!
In the meantime, please send your ID so we can have that settled before we move forward.
Your business partner,
Mayron M 💣
SIR KUSSO PHILLIP is a lawyer based in Cote d’Ivoire.
MAYRON CHOPSUEY is a real person. Give her a call.
Copyright Makeout Creek Books
Photo by George Allen